My Husband has Hope...but my Temps are Dropping

I am currently at 14 dpo, and haven't taken a hpt yet. All my previous cycles (prior to knowing about the azoospermia), I would test like a mad-woman, way earlier than any significant HCG levels would have been present. Then I would spiral as I saw BFN after BFN. This is the first cycle since the diagnosis that I have a true chance of becoming PG...and I have yet to test. Part of it is I don't want to repeat that vicious (and truly un-fun - is that a word?) cycle. The other part is, I don't want to get that BFN. If I don't test, there is still hope.

What I have been doing ocassionally though, is taking my temps. I took my temp yesterday when I woke up, and although lower, it was still higher than usual. I didn't temp faithfully this cycle, so don't know my exact coverline. However, I've done it enough in the past that I know my body pretty well and can guesstimate what a "high" or "low" temp is for me. This morning, my temp was even lower, so it looks like AF may be right around the corner.

Here is why I am ok with this. First of all, this is my first shot at IUI, and I only got one insemination. It would be awesome if I'm PG, but it almost feels selfish for me to want it this quickly and immediately. Especially when I see the long road others in blog-land have traveled to get to the prize. So I am ok with being patient a little bit longer. What a different perspective I have ever since I've started blogging. I'm so thankful for everything I've learned about others' experiences, and find it so therapeutic to vent in such a supportive network of people. Thanks, everybody!

The other reason I'm ok with this is to see the evolution of my DH. He's a pretty pessimistic person - he calls it realism, and is an approach he's developed to help him deal with the harshness of life. If he doesn't hope too much, he won't be as hurt/disappointed. I, on the other hand, am an eternal optimist. I have my dark moments, but they're usually fairly fleeting. Even when we first learned of the azoospermia, I didn't have as many breakdowns as I would have expected to have. I like those "Life is Good" t-shirts and apparel - they make me smile. And yes, I own a t-shirt and baseball cap with those logos, expressions of my attitude towards life. My hubby made me take pause the other day. As we were wondering about whether or not this was the cycle, he said he had a good feeling about it. And he wasn't doing it just to B/S me. He knows I'd see right through it, and he just isn't that type of person. This was the first time I've ever heard him talk this way, and it was so huge to me when I consider what a personal struggle it's been for him to deal with his fertility issues.

So even if this is not "the month", I'm ok with it. Hubby and I are on a great path, and I'm so thankful for it!