Thursday, February 21, 2008

A Bit Worried

"I want it all...I want it all...I want it all...I want it now!" I don't know who sings that song, but the lyrics are running through my head as I fret at the latest development in my dIUI-driven life.

I don't know what made me do it, but I thought I'd check today on the availability of sperm from the donor we used to get pregnant with K. There I went back to the website, dutifully entering the donor number that has been forever etched into my memory. To my horror, I saw big, red, bold text that practically shouted the message at me - NO MORE VIALS AVAILABLE. CALL FOR MORE INFORMATION!! Crap, crap, crap...what the hell do we do now???

After I took a few moments to calm my heart-rate down, I phoned and spoke to a woman who ended up being pretty cool. Here's the deal: they actually have about 20 vials available, but they're in quarantine because the donor hasn't come in for his 3-month blood tests. He's been overdue since October 2007, and although they've tried to reach him, no dice so far. She reassured me that they'd call me as soon as this is resolved so I can purchase more vials. I plan on buying more as soon as I hear from them and will just pay the storage fee to keep them at my RE's office. I actually have 1 vial in storage with them already, as I purchased 6 vials from the first round of TTC and it took me 5 to get pregnant.

So I'm a bit worried about this whole situation. Although it's technically possible to get pregnant with the 1 vial, that is just way too much pressure and hope to put on 1 little vial of swimmers (and on me). Shit, this is freaking me out. Need to calm down. Don't call hubby, just inform him on this latest development in a calm and deliberate manner at an opportune moment in the next day or so. Lest he sees the sheer panic in my eyes.

One thing that I hope works in my favor is the human element. Before I hung up with the lady from the sperm bank, I thanked her for investigating all this for me, and ended the call with "...our daughter is absolutely beautiful, and although my husband was uneasy with utilizing donor sperm, he could not imagine his life without her now...we really want a second child who will be her true sibling..." I think the lady took pause, and I could hear her voice soften. Perhaps this will help her take that extra step to hunt down this donor and make him give some blood just to release the current inventory of vials. Even if he doesn't want to become an active donor again, I hope he's willing to take the time to get cleared and open up the supply on stuff he's already contributed. If only I could get to him myself, I'm sure I could craft a message that has the right balance of emotion, pleading, and charm that would give him the drive to just do this one thing...


In other news, K is 6 months old already! I report this with a certain degree of nostalgia, as I can not believe that she is halfway to the 1-year mark. My little girl has fascinated me in so many ways, and just charms the pants off everyone who meets her! My husband now proclaims that he would like another girl as he is so in love with the one we have been fortunate enough to be blessed with. She just makes him absolutely giddy and goofy at the same time, and the things he does for her...well, it just makes my heart melt.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while - life has been going at 100mph and it doesn't appear as if things will let up in the foreseeable future. In the meantime I will try to visit and comment on blogs today, but if I don't get to yours - I promise I will! You are all in my thoughts, as always...