Monday, August 28, 2006

Redecorating During the 2WW

I am proud of myself in that I didn't obsess too much about my symptoms today. I have been eating like crap, though, so with the slight chance that I may be PG, I actually forced myself to eat a pear. For some reason, I've been living like a bachelorette since my husband's been away on business, and have been perfectly content having Baskin Robbins Peanut Butter Chocolate ice cream for dinner. cream (just picture Homer from the Simpsons saying this part). Then, in anticipation of the ice cream dinner, I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill, and quite enjoyed myself as I sang (ok, yelled) some of my favorite songs out loud while listening to my iPod. And yes, one of those songs was actually Brittany Spears' "Hit Me Baby One More Time". I'm a closet fan of teenage music, and will also sheeplishly admit to everyone in blog-land that I like Backstreet Boys' "I Want it That Way". Ah, the joys of having hubby out of town and only a loyal dog who loves me no matter how awful my voice is.

So to kill time and distract me from doing more internet searches on pregnancy symptoms, I decided to do some blog redecorating and change the template I'm using. I like it better, I think. What I don't like is the darn section of the site where you can update your template. It's so darn manual, and the screen is not very big, so lot's of scrolling action to find the section of code you want to edit. I wish I could manage my blog in FrontPage - does anyone know if this is possible? I will research that one of these days...

Ok, the only other "symptom" that I will share (and apologies in advance for the TMI, especially to the men) - my nipples have been pretty sensitive the last few days, but my boobs aren't. This is different than usual because if I have breast tenderness leading up to AF, it's usually an all or nothing type of deal - boobs and nipples. But currently it's just nipples. Things that make you go hmm...

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Loving the Sweaty Hands and Feet...Not!

Again, not sure if this is a pregnancy sign or if it's the progesterone messing with me again, but I've been dealing with another pleasant side effect lately. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have sweaty hands and feet. Apparently, this is a not-too-uncommon phenomenon for non-pregant folks, and I have Google'd various tips and tricks on how to deal with this unpleasantry. Rubbing antiperspirant on said surfaces is supposed to help, but I'm afraid the chalky substance all over my laptop's keyboard would just be too icky. One lady even wrote about putting a pantiliner in your shoes. Discreet AND absorbent! Oh, my.

I know this is a pregnancy symptom, so if this is my plight and I am in fact PG, bring it on. I'll deal with it. But if this is just another stinkin' side effect and nasty AF arrives - that will just plain suck! Been feeling particularly hormonal, too. I did put hubby on notice about this the other day, when it was coming on strong. Tonight, I just feel depressed. Really depressed. It's a bit of a pity party, and it doesn't help that I watched a 2-hour recap of 9/11 and followed that up with another sad rerun of Grey's Anatomy. That show, and ER, always make me ball like a school-girl. Oh, and I'm listening to Vonda Sheperd and Norah Roberts right now. Yes, I'm a glutton for punishment. Deep breath...I need to go hug my dog.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Early Pregnancy Sign, or Progesterone Side Effects?

I'm not obsessing, really. Ok, maybe a little bit. But how do you not obsess when the BFP has been so alluring yet out of reach for so long? I think people may say they just kicked back during their 2ww, but who are we kidding here? It takes every bit of will-power for me to not do endless internet searches on early pregnancy symptoms, or think that every twinge, cramp, and bloat is a sign that this is the month.

I am currently at 5 dpo, and have been on the progesterone suppositories for 4 days. Here are some of the symptoms I've been experiencing:

IUI day: During dinner on the day that I got inseminated, I got this horrible headache that felt like my head was being squeezed, and interspersed with this constant sensation, I also had these horrible shooting pains in the back of my head. This lasted until late-afternoon the next day, after I took a couple of Tylenol.

1 dpo - present: Been having trouble sleeping through the night, and have been really, really tired. I read that this could be a side effect of the progesterone? Has anyone else experienced this?

3 dpo - present: A ton of cramping and bloating. The cramping doesn't hurt bad, I just feel twinges here and there. Yesterday I felt some mild cramping around my right ovary, and today it was at my left ovary. I also feel twinges around my uterine area, and it feels like a busy place. It feels as if there is "construction" going on. As for the bloating, it's similar to the worst kind of bloating I get on the months that this occurs prior to AF. It seems a bit early for me to be bloating this much if I'm not PG, but I kind of forget the exact timing when I usually experience this.

4 dpo: Last night, I got a pretty insatiable craving for something salty. This would ordinarily be no biggie, as it used to be a PMS symptom for me as a teenager. However, the feeling was really strong, and I haven't had this as a PMS symptom for years. If anything, I typically get intense sugar cravings, and need something moist and chocolate-y. Cakes, brownies, or cookies usually do the trick. But last night I was truly bummed when I saw that we were all out of microwave popcorn. Must remember to add that to the shopping list.

So what do you think? Is the Progesterone messing with my body and making me think I might be PG even though I may not be at all? As I write this, I'm thinking, "you need to stop obsessing about this...go read a book or something..." - but I'm so tired right now, I know that if I started to read a book (and I'm actually in the middle of an extremely intriguing one right now) that I'd just end up falling asleep. I hope hubby comes home soon so he can entertain me - and keep me awake!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Dolly the Dove

We have a dove that built a nest in the eaves right above our front door. Hubby heard her building it all day a couple Fridays ago, and was wondering what all those scratching noises were. He discovered the nest on Saturday, when he walked out and scared the bejeesus out of her as he peered at his newfound discovery. It makes me chuckle to think of them looking at each other, eye to eye, and backing up (or in her case, flying) in shock.

I have a newfound appreciation for birds, which started when I got myself a hummingbird feeder last spring. It took a couple weeks for any hummers to find the feeder, to my great anxiety. Finally, I added a couple drops of red food coloring in the sugar water, and they discovered it in a jiffy - and have been loyal feeders ever since. They're fairly bold creatures, and let us glimpse them up close by diving for a sip or a longer drink when we're sitting just yards away on the patio furniture, and even sometimes when I'm standing just below the feeder itself.

Our neighborhood seems to have a plethora of winged creatures. I'm not much of a bird expert, but I'm fairly certain that in addition to the hummingbirds and doves, that we also have sparrows, robins, and the blue-feathered ones - I forget what those ones are called, but they really like to torture our dog by sitting on the fence and shouting birdie profanities at him.

So back to the dove. I am assuming that the bird is a female, and it gave me a strange type of satisfaction to know that she chose the eaves in OUR house to build her modest abode. Well, it looks modest from my viewing angle, but it could be quite impressive as far as nests go. So with the assumption that the bird is a "she", I immediately decided to name her Dolly. I check on the nest every time I back my car out of the garage, and sometimes she is there, and sometimes she isn't. Actually, I haven't seen her at all in the last week or so. At first I figured she was out with the gals, maybe on a jaunt for more nest fixin's. But now I'm not so sure. Maybe she realized the error of her ways, what with building a nest practically on top of a garage door that loudly opens and closes several times a day! Or maybe something happened to her?! Since I'm trying not to over-analyze every facet of my life while I'm in the 2WW, perhaps I've been over-doing it with the Operation Dove Watch. I should never have named her...that is the lesson I will walk away with.

Dolly, if you're out there...come home!

In the 2WW

So I guess I haven't posted about the actual insemination...! It was relatively straightforward and painless, which I was very glad for. Once I saw the doc pull out the catheter, I started to get a tad anxious based on my only other experience with a catheter in the ole cervix during the HSG procedure. This went much better! I think the whole procedure lasted about 5 minutes, and then they set a timer for 10 minutes, instructed me to lay still till the timer went off, then I was free to go. My husband made a humorous observation that it was like boiling eggs. Set the timer, wait, and voila! In this case, we didn't want my eggs to cook, of course, but this experience was still somewhat analogous in an odd sort of way.

Last night, I started on the Progresterone suppositories. Those are not loads of fun, but I'll do whatever it takes to increase my chances of maintaining a healthy pregnancy. I take them from now on, and even once I have been deemed pregnant. So this is just another daily ritual that I'll have to incorporate into my routine. No biggie.

Thanks to everyone for their well wishes!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Insemination: Take One

Hubby and I went to the doctor yesterday, and the ultrasound showed that my 2 follicles have continued to develop nicely. She also delivered the unexpected compliment that I had a "gorgeous uterus"'re making me blush, doc! I got an HCG shot in the rear, which made me feel pretty bloated and uncomfortable the rest of the afternoon and evening. I return today to get my first insemination, so please keep your fingers crossed for me!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Houston, We Have 2 Follicles...

Now that my venting is complete (see previous post), I can more calmly provide an update on my doctor's appointment yesterday. Let's see, I spent 3o minutes in traffic hightailing it to the facility, and was calmed by the fact that I ended up arriving 5 minutes early. I then spent over an hour waiting to be seen, and was even interrupted at one point by the doctor I would end up seeing who called me the wrong name because he had entered the wrong room. Ok, I'm really not feelin' the love right now. Ok, the venting is really done now. I think.

So this cycle, I currently have 2 follicles developing (guess the Clomid is working), 1 on each side. The one on my left side is slightly bigger, which I take as a good sign since that is my "good side" (since the right tube may be blocked). I tested negative on the ovulation predictor kit (OPK) this morning, and am scheduled to go back to the doc's office tomorrow afternoon. I am hoping hubby can accompany me so I don't feel like such a loser sitting there by myself amongst all the other couples in the waiting room. I know, not a sensible feeling to have, but it's one of those irrational thoughts that creeps into my head all the same.

Will post again after my appointment on Thursday. I wonder how many cycles it is going to take for me to finally get PG.

Will I Ever See the Same Doctor Twice??

Let me just start by saying that although azoospermia is a plight that hubby and I must deal with, I also feel very blessed to have such a wonderful husband and that all in all, the whole process of finding the right donor sperm and all that other stuff has been pretty smooth. I also have a heightened appreciation for the availability of donor sperm here in the US, since the supply in the UK is becoming more and more constrained (more on that in the "Azoospermia - WTF" and "The End of my Line?" blogs listed in the sidebar of this blog).

As I continue through what will be my 2nd IUI cycle (Cycle 1 was a "no-go" because I ovulated on my right side and *might* have a blocked fallopian tube), several random thoughts swirl through my head:

  • When I traipse into the doctor's office, I can't help but feel like it's a cattle call of couples being treated for any myriad of infertility issues, somewhat akin to being rounded up when you board a flight on Southwest Airlines;
  • Why are the nurses so damn calm? Have they become hardened to the mental states that most couples are in once they land at this type of facility? Would it kill you to have a sense of urgency and actually worry with me once in a while? Why do you have to be so damn clinical all the time???
  • Will I ever see the same doctor twice? Every stinkin' time I have come in to be poked and prodded by that ultrasound doodad, it's a different doctor. "Um, doc - are you sure we're a "go" for IUI this cycle since I ovulated on my right side and may very well have a blocked tube? Hello??? Did you even spend 2 minutes reading my chart before you busted into the exam room? What do you mean, did the other doctor tell me this office doesn't do laproscopy procedures to unblock fallopian tubes anymore? Do you guys even talk to each other?"

Ok. Venting is done for now.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Will This be the Month?

Now that we have our sperm donor selected, and the sperm ready and waiting at my doctor's office, it's just a matter of ovulation. Since there is a possibility that my right fallopian tube is blocked, the doctors advised me to only go through with the intrauterine insemination (IUI) when I ovulate on my left side. Though IUI is not nearly as costly as IVF, it ain't cheap. Each cycle, I am to call the doctor's office and let the nurses know when I have started my period, also known as cycle day 1 (CD 1). Then, starting on CD 11, I am to use an ovulation predictor kit to determine my LH surge. If I haven't surged by CD13, then I go into the doctor's office for an ultrasound, where they can confirm that I'm developing a follicle, and that my uterine lining is thickening to be ready for implantation. If the follicle hasn't developed enough yet, then I continue testing for my surge and come in again (for another ultrasound) a couple days later if ovulation still hasn't been detected. Each time I get an ultrasound, it's $200. This happens to be an out-of-network office, so my insurance only covers these costs once I have fulfilled a $600 deductible. I've paid over this amount now, so am hoping that the reimbursement checks start to arrive soon.

Last month, I dutifully started testing on CD11, and detected a positive surge on CD16. As I sat in the exam room, I asked God whether this was going to be the moment. A few minutes later, the ultrasound showed a very nicely developing uterine lining and dominant follicle...but it was on the right side. IUI would not be in the cards for me in July.

In hindsight, I think this was for the best. Hubby and I went to Las Vegas the weekend of June 23rd, and both of us fell sick with the flu as soon as we got home. I'm glad I didn't get the IUI through all of this because I want to be in optimal health when I do get pregnant.

Will this be the month? I will probably know by the end of this week! This cycle, the doctor started me on Clomid, which is a drug that makes your body develop more than one follicle. The hope being that if I ovulate on my right side again, I'll also ovulate on my left side. There is an 8% chance of conceiving twins when you take this drug, but I would just be so overjoyed to be pregnant that twins would just be a different type of blessing. I'm currently on CD 12, and will likely go into the doctor's office tomorrow for the first ultrasound of this cycle.

On a side's been rather comforting to see the ultrasounds confirm that I am indeed ovulating and seem to be creating a hospitable environment in my uterus. We've been trying to get pregnant for so long that sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me. It's pretty exciting to see that my body is doing what it's supposed to be doing, so please keep your fingers crossed for me for this cycle, and I'll keep everyone posted! Ta ta for now.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Selecting the Right Sperm

So the whole process of selecting which donor sperm you want to go with has been a mix of fascination, trepidation, amusement, and still some sadness. I am able to go through this process almost as if it's an extension of browsing through one of my favorite catalogs (yes, I'm a shopper). Let's see, do I want the guy with the dark hair and eyes, or should we go for one of those Nordic donors? Ooh, there's an exotic section of donors who are comprised of unique backgrounds, too. Ok - a little too exotic.

Having always been an extremely organized individual, I take to this task as though it's a series of items I need to check off of my to-do list. Make a list of qualities you want the sperm donor to possess...check...set up an account with the sperm bank...check...check insurance coverage on infertility...check...setup an appointment with a couples therapist...check...But sometimes I put the brakes on my full-steam-ahead mentality when I can see in my husband's eyes that this is still hurting him. And then I question whether this is still the right path to pursue. We'll go for days and sometimes even weeks without discussing this topic in depth, but every time we bring it up - he still wants to pursue it. I do, too. So we move on.

We browsed through the donor catalog for several weeks before we started to narrow down the choices. It finally came down to 2 donors, and number 1 was the clear winner in our eyes. Number 2 was in the running too, but we just thought we'd nailed it with all the similarities to my husband that we'd identified in the front-runner. The last step we opted to pursue was to have the sperm bank perform a photographic match of my husband to these final candidates. The results were very surprising - my husband matched almost perfectly to the 2nd donor! The lady on the phone even said that they could pass for brothers. And yes - he was a very poor match to the guy which we orginally thought had been "the one". So after a brief discussion, we opted to go with Number 2, and ordered up his goods to be delivered and stored at my doctor's office.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Going With the Donor Sperm Route

After many months of deliberation, and extended periods of time when we didn't discuss our azoospermia issue, we decided to go with the donor sperm route. There were many reasons for this, but which I am not going to delve into detail on this blog. Suffice it to say that it took quite a bit of soul-searching, and my husband finally decided that he wanted a child that was a part of me, even if he couldn't contribute his DNA to the picture. I felt elated, tentative, and sad all at the same time. Elated that I may finally get pregnant and experience the joys associated with pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Tentative that this might not work. I do have a potentially blocked fallopian tube - what if they find other issues with me as well? My husband had male infertility, but what if I had other issues that we just hadn't uncovered yet? Lastly, I felt sad because of the sense of loss I had knowing that I would never have my husband's child. And I know he felt this too.

Considering Adoption

When we first learned about the diagnosis, we started to discuss adoption. I tried to picture how I would react adopting a child, and thought that felt ok. I had to bite my tongue because when my husband first mentioned donor sperm (per his urologist's suggestion), he quickly dismissed it as something he didn't think he could ever go through. So as quickly as my hopes were raised that I could still have the baby be a part of me, they were dashed by my husband who didn't think he could bring himself to go that route. I decided to not verbalize the hurt I felt, because we were both hurting enough already. Besides, adoption could still work out great. We both knew several families that had adopted, and were very happy and fulfilled.

I started researching adoption on the internet, and was quickly overwhelmed at what I found. There are domestic and international options, and it seemed that the international route was more promising, just because of the increased chances of adopting an infant, which is what we wanted. We both thought it would be neat to adopt from China, and I was also excited to see we could potentially adopt a Vietnamese child. I even emailed a lady who headed up one of the Vietnam adoption agencies, but it didn't feel quite right. Deep down, I still wanted to investigate the donor sperm option, and I knew it was time to talk to my husband about it. Adoption would have to wait for now.

D-Day aka SA Results

It may be a let-down that this post doesn't cover my husband's experiences with providing his sperm sample, but I just don't feel I could do it justice to summarize his experience. I'll have to see if I can convince him to author a post and share his perspective on this himself. I think it'd be more authentic that way. Oh honey...

So as I already detailed in my first post, my husband received the dreaded news from my OB/GYN that he had no sperm, which is also known as azoospermia. I wasn't home at the time, and didn't know yet. When I did get home, he didn't answer to my calls. Was he upstairs, or outside, or something? I headed upstairs, and I was taken aback as I saw him standing in our master bathroom, in front of his vanity. The look on his face said it all: something was wrong.

We had been waiting several days for the SA results, so it didn't automatically occur to me that it was this that could cause him to be so upset. When I asked him what was wrong, he simply stated that the test results were in and that What?! What do you mean you don't have any sperm? What does that even mean? You don't have any at all??

I was surprised at how calmly I was reacting. It was very surreal. There we were, discussing one of the most shocking moments of our lives, and I felt like everything was moving in slow motion. A good chunk of my world had just been pulled out from under me, and all my assumptions and hopes about getting pregnant as soon as we were ready to were dashed in the few seconds it took for him to tell me the diagnosis.

The rest of that conversation is a bit of a blur for me. I remember breaking down and crying at one point, but it wasn't even a real hearty cry. It was a I'm-just-so-shocked-I-don't-know-what-the-hell-to-do type of cry. And my hubby was pretty stoic yet emotional at the same time, if that makes sense.

For all you men out there, take note. It never once occurred to me that I should leave my husband because he could not father my child. This is something that he felt would be a horrible yet acceptable course of action on my part, considering our situation. That is not what marriage is about, and I knew we just needed to process this information and figure out where to go from there - together.

He had to go through some additional tests to determine whether he had a blockage or not (he didn't), and the last resort (extracting some sperm through needle aspiration of the testes) was dashed when the urologist didn't think that a viable option.

The HSG Test

On the day of the scheduled HSG test, my husband accompanied me to the lab that was going to conduct the procedure. I was a bit surprised when they didn't let him accompany me into the exam room, but tentatively felt ok to brave it alone. I'm not a major wimp, but it was more fear of the unknown that was giving me butterflies in my stomach. My doc had quickly explained to me that they stick a catheter up your cervix and inject dye into you...this dye then paints the uterus and flows out of the fallopian tubes, if your tubes are unobstructed. So the part about dye flowing out of my fallopian tubes, while a bit out there, didn't really worry me. It was the part about the catheter up the cervix that really had me worried. As it turns out, I was partly right to worry about that point...

First of all, this next section is something that all females should be able to relate to and empathize with me on! Let me just start by saying that the doctor performing the procedure was a man. Now I am not discriminating against male doctors, before anyone gets upset. But it's an important aspect to point out because not all male doctors are "in tune" with a woman's anatomy and some of the finer points that should accompany any procedure that happens "down there".

My horror first began when I saw him take out a speculum, and without another thought, he started to head to my nether region. The problem in this was that he didn't lube it, or even dip it into any water. He forced it into me, and as if that pain and discomfort wasn't enough, he then proceeded to TURN the speculum while it was inside of me!!! Again, if you're a woman - you are probably gasping in horror, because you can probably imagine how it felt to have the lips of the speculum (that hang over on the side) scrape against my vaginal wall. Not good.

Once I got over that, he started to feed the catheter into my uterus, and was kind enough to warn me that it was about to enter the cervix. Ok, I'm good with that. I could feel some slight pressure as he fed it into the cervix, but I was starting to think it wasn't going to be so bad. Then he told me he was going to pump up the balloon in the catheter, which would act as a cervix plug and prevent the dye, once expelled, from leaking out of the uterus by way of the cervix opening.

This is when the cramping began. And I'm not talking the kind you get with your period, even if they're bad. I'm talking the type of cramping that made me want to double-over in pain, and I even let a moan escape. It was that bad. The next several minutes, the doctor proceeded to take pictures of my innards while occasionally re-adjusting my position...get on your side...get on your other side...get on your back again...I had to bear this a bit longer than usual because he couldn't get my right tube to drain. As time went on, the level of pain did decrease, although only slightly. I guess I was just dull to the pain now. I also felt like a had a huge gas bubble in my belly, and I so wished I could stick a needle in my stomach to relieve the pressure.

Then, the doc deflated the balloon, and removed the catheter and speculum. Yes, there was more pain at the removal phase, but not as bad as just a few moments ago. They had me wait in the exam room while the xrays were developed, and I was so uncomfortable (still had the sensation of a huge, volatile gas bubble in my belly), that I couldn't find any position, sitting or standing, where I was comfortable. I finally settled into a half-standing position, where I was doubled-over and leaning on the exam table. It must have been a lovely sight for the assistant to walk in and see me like this.

Bottom-line results showed that my right fallopian tube never did manage to drain any dye. To this day, I'm not sure if my tube is in fact blocked, or whether the high amount of cramping that I experienced had simply blocked the tube temporarily. Apparently this happens sometimes. The good news was that my left tube did drain, so I have at least 1 tube in good working condition.

Maybe We Should Get Checked Out

As I mentioned in my first post on this blog, my husband and I (who I will from this point onward refer to as my dear "hubby") had been trying to conceive for almost a year when the nagging worries started to creep in at an increasingly alarming rate. When we first started trying, I was excitedly doing research on how to become pregnant, and learned about the fascinating world of ovulation and all the funky things you can look at to determine if you're producing eggs. Ah yes - I charted my temps, tracked my cervical fluid (I hate the word mucous in this context, or in any context for that matter. It just sounds gross and is not a word I choose to use to describe something that emanates from my body.), and read up on lots of information on the internet about a woman's cycle and when best to do the deed to maximize your changes of getting pregnant. But month after month, my heart would drop as I'd start yet another cycle after thinking that every headache, backache, and bit of queasiness that I experienced during the 2 week wait meant that I had "surely gotten knocked up this time".

So we scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN and came in for a consultation. I was to have an HSG test, and hubby was to have a semen analysis (SA). The HSG would tell whether my fallopian tubes were blocked, and the SA would verify that my husband had healthy swimmers. I also had some other tests as well, but I forget what they were called...something about measuring my hormone levels to make sure I was producing enough progesterone, maybe? So off we went to get the tests done, of which I will provide a brief description in my next post.

*Please Note: I found it extremely helpful as we embarked on this process to be knowledgeable about my cycle and the nuances within. If you've been trying to conceive (TTC) for awhile, I highly recommend that you learn about fertility in general, and chart your temps and any unique items that make you, you. Once I entered this whirlwind of diagnosis, I could hold my own talking about temping, ovulation, cycle days, what-have-you, with my doc. And this was only possible because I became self-educated, NOT because I had a particularly informative doc who took the time needed to explain all these concepts to me. Another useful tip - request copies of all test results so you will have your own file on your medical history, and can keep the myriad of doctors you may deal with straight on the facts. Doctors are intelligent but busy people, and it is very easy for them to miss details in your file that are important to highlight, address, etc. If you are new to fertility and want to learn more, look for a future post that will provide useful information on your quest for newfound knowledge.

Let's Give This Blog Thing a Try

Where do I begin? First of all, I'm pretty new to blogging. Don't get me wrong; I know what blogs are, and have even checked some out after I read a magazine article that included some honorable mentions. Then today, the idea struck me to search for a blog that I could relate to, particularly in one aspect of my life. I couldn't find one. I found many, many blogs that I could partially relate to...but nothing that was exactly right. Random thought - I hear a voice in my head reciting that part from Little Red Riding Hood: "This porridge is too thick...this porridge is too thin...this porridge is just right...". Who knows if it was even porridge that Little Red Riding hood was sampling, and if it was the consistency of the meal that put her off. Whatever the case, I digress.

What I'm really looking for is a way to connect with other folks who are in a similar situation as my husband and I are in. We're trying to conceive (TTC), and we're now chasing the 2-year mark. About 1 year into this journey, we finally started to wonder if something was wrong. I never doubted my ability to by a fertile myrtle (is that how one spells that word??), as evidenced by my highly fertile sisters and mother - who, bless her heart, had 5 kids! Surprisingly enough, she just recently told me that my grandmother got extremely upset with her after she had her tubes tied shortly after my birth - I guess grandma thought the perfect number of kids was 10. Aye, caramba!

So after the usual gamet of tests (I'll get into the details of my test results in a separate post), we got the most shocking news of our husband's semen analysis (SA) had come in, and he had no sperm. Just like that. That's how my OB/GYN delivered the news to him. No emotion, no "I'm sorry to have to tell you this..." type of lead-in. She just dropped the news on him like a lead balloon.

So this is where my story begins (at least for the purposes of this blog), and where I'll chronicle the trials and tribulations that began on that fateful autumn day in 2005.