I'm on cd13 and still no surge. This is not a surprise. I go in tomorrow for the fun ultrasound and to see how many follies the hot flash-producing drugs have stimulated in my ovaries. I will probably ovulate in the next couple of days or so, if my previous cycle that resulted in the chemical pregnancy is any indication of timing.
I feel like I should be more excited than I am. Defense mechanism? Probably. But here's the crazy thing - I'm afraid that if I don't have a good attitude about it that it might not take. You know, the mind-body connection, stuff like that.
On top of all this, I am fairly stressed about work. Yes, I am missing a very important meeting that my boss said I didn't have to travel for. My boss was pretty darn cool about it. Why can't I just be more of a guy, and take the boss' word at face value and move on without all the over-analyzing? Because I'm a chick, that's why. This is what chicks do. We take a perfectly good situation, over-analyze the heck out of it, and worriedly twiddle our thumbs as we play through all the what-if scenarios. What if my boss really isn't ok with this, and is just playing nice? Women are pretty darn notorious for avoiding confrontation and not expressing their true feelings, especially when they're anything but nice. What if this jeopardizes my career, at least in the short term? What if I have now been knocked down a peg or two in my boss' eyes? Should I have just skipped this cycle and gone to the dang meeting?!
The meeting starts tomorrow. On top of all this, I have to go to the RE's office for the ultrasound, and have to hightail it home in time to call in to the meeting that I didn't travel for. I hope my husband can come with me, so that I can call into the meeting from my cell phone if we can't make it home in time. My husband is working day and night on his current catastrophic project at work. So it's not like he's just sitting around waiting to chaeuffer me to my RE appointments. But he is being a dear, and refused to travel this week because he wanted to be here with me for my IUI(s).
Perhaps it's good that I'm so busy; it could make for a relatively painless 2ww. I just hope that all this juggling, planning, and sacrificing is all worth it. I really do.
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Don't stress about work. The decision is made and even if your boss is not as nice as she appeared to be - well, it's over and done with. Just go on from here. Don't dwell on it.
As for not feeling super excited... I wasn't negative about my 2nd IUI, but I didn't think it'd work either. I was already making plans for IUI #3, trying to estimate the dates for it and figure out where the money was going to come from. I think that NOT having all your hopes up is less stressful than being super excited and positive would be.
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