Holiday and DIUI #3 Update

Well, I'm finally home and getting back to normal again. The holidays have been a whirlwind of activity for about a week now, as we celebrated with both sides of our family and had some travel to boot. It's nice to travel, but it's always GREAT to get home. Hope everyone had a great holiday as well.

Last Saturday, hubby and I celebrated Christmas early. Since we were going to be out of town for Christmas, it didn't make sense to pack up our gifts and go through the hassle, so we opened our gifts that morning. It was nice, he pulled through with some fabulous ideas as usual. I think he liked my gifts to him as well.

After we were done opening gifts, he asked me what I thought the blood test would reveal (I had gone to the RE's office early that morning for my beta HCG). I got the test a day early knowing I'd be out of town starting the next day. So part of me was worried that the reading would be off because I was going in early, and another part of me was just sad and worried that I would be let down yet again. Even though my period was late, I didn't take that as a positive sign since that had yielded nothing last cycle - I think it was just the progesterone messin' with me. So when hubby asked me what I thought, I just started to cry...how could it be such a wonderful and blessed time of year when our situation was such a stark contrast? I just couldn't bear getting bad news again right before Christmas.

We hugged for awhile, and then I made myself snap out of it so I could get ready to see my family later that day. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and settled into my usual routine. After I had done my hair and makeup, my husband came up to me and held his cell phone to my ear. My heart skipped a beat as I realized that it was a message from the RE's office. I held my breath and listened...you came in a day earlier than normal...we have your results...merry christmas...you're pregnant! As she continued to rattle off additional details in her message, I started to cry. The news was even that much sweeter when I saw the look on my husband's face and realized he had already listened to the message and knew what news I was taking in.

My beta was 86! This was a much better number than the 14.7 I got in my first cycle that resulted in miscarriage. My numbers were so low that cycle that I had to go in every 3 days to ensure the numbers were still rising. What a great feeling it was this time when they said to continue my meds and not come back until my 6-week checkup!

So I've now had one week to revel in the fact that I am indeed pregnant. I still don't believe it most of the time, although the symptoms are here in full force. I've had bouts of queasiness (no throwing up yet, knock on wood), extremely tender breasts, very tired, HUNGRY, sensitive gag reflex...all wonderful things because it reinforces this wonderful fact that I have still been marveling about how to fully accept as real. What a special Christmas this has turned out to be. I know I am very newly pregnant, and will probably never feel "safe" until the little guy or girl is placed into my arms. But until then, I will enjoy this time and try to take good care of myself and Kiwi*.

For all of you who are still TTC, I truly hope this news does not sadden you too much. I almost feel guilty sharing because I know there is still so much hurt out there in blog-land. I will always try to be as sensitive as possible to your continued experiences as I can, and I hope you will allow me that opportunity.

On the other hand, I've been anticipating the moment when I could be home again and write this post to let all of you know - because I know you all can really relate to just how big and monumental this news is for we who have struggled with infertility.

*A quick story on why we're calling our little one "Kiwi". When I was pregnant the first time, my husband spoke to my belly to rouse the new embryo, saying "..wakie, wakie..." Not hearing him correctly, I asked incredulously, "Did you just call our baby Kiwi???!?" After we had a good laugh, that was how we referred to the baby ever since. So it just stuck, and we now refer to the baby as Kiwi exclusively.